Ok, time to break the ice and get some emotions off my chest. It has taken me a few weeks to get myself together, and to sort through my thoughts. On January 28th, I had two of my sisters frozen embryos implanted into me. This was her last effort, and chance ,at having another biological child. This day had been a long time coming. We had been talking about this day, and planning for it for a long time. I was ready to tackle pregnancy on her behalf. I actually enjoy being pregnant, and have fairly easy pregnancies & births. I love my sisters and would have done it for anyone of them (even my sister-in-laws). We knew going into this, that the chance of the embryos taking, and turning into an actual pregnancy was very low. We prepared for the worst, but hoped for the best. We had a lot of support from all of our family & friends. I prayed that His will would be done, but I made it clear to my Heavenly Father that I really wanted this to work. Nothing would have made me happier. We found out, about a week later, that the embryos did not take, and I was not pregnant with my sisters baby. As I was driving home, alone in my sorrow, I was completely overwhelmed. Devastation is what I felt.
Later, as I laid by my bed, crying my heart out, I knew that I had never been this sad in my life. And yet my sadness could not even come close to the sadness my sister was feeling. I knew that I still had a chance to have more babies, she did not. My heart still breaks when I think of how hard it must be for her, and for anyone else who has ever wanted a baby...but could not have one of their own.
I don't wonder why Heavenly Father chose to not let this happen, and I know my sister doesn't wonder this either. This is the answer we have been waiting for. It is still really hard. I do know that I was comforted when I was at my lowest point. I had many phone calls, texts, visits, and emails filled with love and support that helped me get through the really hard days.
So, this has been quite the journey. It has made me grow even closer to my sisters, which I didn't think was possible. I am glad I had the opportunity to try though. If I knew then, what I know now...I would do it again! Thank you Tracy, for trusting me with your embryo, and for letting me help you!
reads: Alison Quenneville, Gestational Carrier for Tracy Tate
Ready for frosting. I had to keep some "unfrosted" for Mikey. He doesn't like frosting. I know, strange, but just like Derek.
